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Dear Steve

In Dear Steve

Identity in the Career Search!

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Dear Steve,

I have a family member who I am concerned about. He is a bright and energetic fellow with great potential but has a difficulty launching into his career. He has a number of side jobs but has not fully utilized his BS degree. Is this an identity issue or what holds great students back from successful careers?

JC

 

 

Dear JC,

Your family member is blessed to have you “championing” his career launch. Your recognition of his attributes and great potential can indeed be a source of encouragement to him, especially if he is able to agree with your assessments. If he does agree, then his frustration is likely the source of your concern because your desire is surely that he have a fulfilling career path in which he can be blessed by a sense of accomplishment.

A key question is the extent to which your measure of success is congruent with his personal career goals. If these line up well, then he will have the advantage of knowing that you are “on his team,” so to speak. In that case, you have the potential to be part of the “solution” and he will welcome your advice. You can perhaps help with a possible identity issue by offering encouragement based on his “calling” coming into focus, with your insights to assist him.

If instead there is a mismatch between your vision for his success and his heartfelt desire then your concern may be an indicator of the need for your own adjustment of expectation, especially if he might be trying to “perform” or “succeed” according to your measure.
In either case, it is important to recognize that the plans the Lord has for him are not only good (see Jeremiah 29:11), but they are exquisitely designed for him. It is important for him (and you!) to gain progressive revelation of these wonderful plans and trust the Lord to direct his steps in seeing them realized (Proverbs 3:6) and to trust Him to direct your steps in your methodology of assistance. This reliance on the Lord is the ultimate solution for great students in general who may be feeling hindered in their career advancement.

Blessings in the discovery of the Lord’s plans for your family member, and your role in that quest,

Steve

In Dear Steve

Turning Hearts!

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Dear Steve,

I have been a follower of Jesus since 2011, when I got radically saved, but it was not until 2019 that I would be hit with the revelation that I am a daughter of the king. This transformative truth has been so healing as I sadly do not have the best relationship with my earthly father. I know that having the love of the father is enough but i still long for a closeness to my dad who raised me. He does not really seem to be all that intrested in me or my life, even though I am sure he loves me deeply. I would love your advice on how to begin this restoration process with him.

KJ

 

 

Dear KJ,

There may be many possible causes for your father’s “indifference” that you feel, but one simple key that I have found useful in helping to “break the ice,” so to speak is this: first examine your feelings toward your father and see if there is some aspect of judgement on your part of his actions, or inactions, and then have a conversation with him once your heart is able to ask him to forgive you for judging him.

Acknowledge that he may have felt reluctant or awkward in having a close relationship because of possible hurts he may have experienced in his own parental relationships (or other important ones). Such hurts can lead to erection of a “wall of protection” against anticipated rejection.

As you show loving concern for his heart, you will likely find that he begins to reciprocate (even if just a little at first). Then you both can have a healthy, vulnerable dialogue that brings you closer together because of deeper understanding of each other’s heart.

Remember that you have the assistance of Elijah (see Malachi 4:5-6) in this wonderful endeavor.

Blessings on your mutual journey of discovery with your father,

Steve

In Dear Steve

Blessing in the Season of Waiting!

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Dear Steve,

My husband and I are believing for children, but have not had any yet after several years of trying.

The Bible is full of promises for having children, God has given both of us a desire to have children and raise a family, and has spoken the same prophetic word through multiple people about the specifics of our children, so, in spite of not having any children yet, we continue to choose to believe the promises of God and pray and believe Him for the children He has promised to us.

The question I have is, what do we do in the meantime–How can we best walk in faith during a season of waiting on God’s promises?

We continue to believe and pray, but I’m wondering if we should be doing something more to walk out our faith in this. Faith without works is dead, right? We obviously know not to go the route Abraham and Sarah did when they had Ishmael birthed by Sarah’s handmaiden–that didn’t turn out too well in the end! But, should we be doing something more like preparing our home for children?

What’s the best thing to do in the season of “Hurry up and wait!” ? How can we best honor God with our faith?

AK

 

 

Dear AK,

Thanks for inquiring how you might “best walk in faith during a season of waiting on God’s promises,” especially after several encouragements through multiple people.

Your question of how to best honor God with your faith during the time of waiting is a wonderful indication of you and your husband having beautiful desire to participate with God in your preparation for parenthood.  Rather than answer with seeming platitudes such as “God’s timing is perfect,” etc., I would like to offer a perspective that may add to the encouragement you have already received from your friends.

One of the “Treasures From His Table,” that you will find on our resource website at www.papasteve.org/fathers-workshop”  is this:

“The Intensity of your situation is directly proportional to God’s level of trust in you.”

When considering this principle coupled with some understanding of a certain aspect of God’s view of family, namely that the care of all children is in some measure the responsibility of every adult, there emerges a possibility for you and your husband.  It could very well be that God is inviting you to consider caring for a precious orphan or newborn that needs adoption by loving foster parents.  He may be wanting to turn your attention to what you can do now in preparation for natural children coming your way in the future, and your wait has been a demonstration of his trust in your hearts of compassion.

In other words, he may want to bless you with the care of one (or more!) of his precious ones that needs parents now!  The goal would  involve not just preparation, but rather imminent  blessing in addition to what is coming to you in the future.  The “delay” season does not have to be void of joy when you can feel the Father’s pleasure in you sharing in his care for a precious one who needs you.

When natural children come along, won’t they be blessed to have an older sibling in the household?  It could be that God is not delaying your joy, but rather seeking to multiply your joy!

Blessings to you and your husband as you feel God’s pleasure because of your loving hearts,

Steve

In Dear Steve

Handling Cultural Differences

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Dear Steve,

I am a pastor in Kenya, and I am delighted that a village chief in my region has just recently surrendered his life to the Lordship of Jesus and is now attending my church. My dilemma is this: the chief has four wives and I need wisdom on how to advise him regarding what to do about these wives. What should I say?

T.K.

 

 

Dear Pastor T.K.,

The best advice I have is for you to first wait until he asks you for your counsel on what he should do concerning his four wives. Then he will be more likely to make a difficult, but biblical, decision. A responsible answer would be this: “Send away your second, third, and fourth wives, and remain faithful to your first wife. But be sure to continue to financially support those subsequent wives and their children since you made an implied commitment to do so when you married them.”

Blessings,
Steve

In Dear Steve

How many children should I have?

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Dear Steve,

As a mature church leader in my community I am often asked a question relating to the command to Adam & Eve, as well as to Noah later on, to “be fruitful and multiply.” The question is this: “How much ‘multiplication’ is required or can I decide how many children to have? What advice can I give them?

Bishop S.

 

 

Dear Bishop S.,

 

That question is indeed a common one.   It helps to remember that God desires for us to have the joy of parenthood – he “invented’ it!  He himself regards this joy as something “good” and He withholds no good thing from those whose hearts are blameless (or upright) toward Him (see Psalm 84:11b).  So, I encourage you to ask those who are pondering the question of how many children to have, “How much joy do you want?” 

 

Blessings,

Steve 

In Dear Steve

Relationship Advice With Boyfriend

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Dear Steve,

I am a young college student and I need advice regarding my relationship with my dearly loved boyfriend. We know from the Bible that actual fornication is a sin, but how far are we allowed to venture in our physical relationship without sinning?

E.S.

 

 

Dear E.S.,

That’s a great question, and it is one that many young people have regarding what is “allowed” biblically.  Especially when your courtship is heading toward marriage, the temptations can be quite strong, and you are asking for revelation of the “boundaries” of permissiveness.  My answer is to not try to give you rigid “constraints,” but rather I think you will be able to chart your own pathway by answering this question I have for you:  “On your wedding night, how much of a gift do you want to give to your new husband?”   When you answer that question, you will have answered the question you posed in your letter.   The choice is ultimately yours.    

Blessings to you both,  

Steve