Dear Steve,
I have been a follower of Jesus since 2011, when I got radically saved, but it was not until 2019 that I would be hit with the revelation that I am a daughter of the king. This transformative truth has been so healing as I sadly do not have the best relationship with my earthly father. I know that having the love of the father is enough but i still long for a closeness to my dad who raised me. He does not really seem to be all that intrested in me or my life, even though I am sure he loves me deeply. I would love your advice on how to begin this restoration process with him.
KJ
Dear KJ,
There may be many possible causes for your father’s “indifference” that you feel, but one simple key that I have found useful in helping to “break the ice,” so to speak is this: first examine your feelings toward your father and see if there is some aspect of judgement on your part of his actions, or inactions, and then have a conversation with him once your heart is able to ask him to forgive you for judging him.
Acknowledge that he may have felt reluctant or awkward in having a close relationship because of possible hurts he may have experienced in his own parental relationships (or other important ones). Such hurts can lead to erection of a “wall of protection” against anticipated rejection.
As you show loving concern for his heart, you will likely find that he begins to reciprocate (even if just a little at first). Then you both can have a healthy, vulnerable dialogue that brings you closer together because of deeper understanding of each other’s heart.
Remember that you have the assistance of Elijah (see Malachi 4:5-6) in this wonderful endeavor.
Blessings on your mutual journey of discovery with your father,
Steve